Shoutout to my ex(es)

One of the most bittersweet moments after a break up is confronting the link that was created between that ex and music. It’s sweet because they were able to introduce you to music that provided the soundtrack to your relationship, but bitter because hearing that particular song still sparks a little flame of pain in your chest. I’ve constructed a nostalgic assemblage of music that was introduced to me by exes that make me think about the relationship we had. In a way, this is a collaborative piece with my exes, crushes, and flings, and hopefully it gives listeners a glimpse into the mind of a 20-something year old in love for the first time. 

It is undeniable that music is able to frame moments in life. Throughout the years, not only has it been a background accessory to pivotal moments for me, it can be utilized as an instrument of therapeutic growth. In fact, a previous B-Side article written by Sanjana Sanghani talks about the link between music and mental health and how recent studies show music modulating emotions in humans. This discovery, though now given more scientific weight in these experiments, was hypothesized by listeners of music who were able to feel the healing powers of music. 

Here are my exes and their lasting musical impact: 

AARON

To begin, one of my first relationships was short and not sweet. On top of this relationship being very insecure and hormone-filled, it was a partnership lacking in trust. Overflowing with youthfulness and excitement, it’s one of the first moments I remember falling in lust and that being reflected in my music interests changing. 

We were both into pop-punk and skate-punk. Finding obscure bands became my favorite thing to do, and we often talked about music. The two bands we loved were Joyce Manor and FIDLAR. I recall staying up until 5am on the phone and making him watch The Strokes bootleg documentary I found on Youtube. Come to think of it, the music we were into actually described how this would play out: short, hair-rip worthy, and emotional. In the end, we were far better off as friends than lovers (that’s how it goes, huh?) and every now and then, we like each other’s Tweets. 

BOBBY

In community college, I fell for a bleached blonde guy who I met in math class (yep…I really hope he doesn’t find this). We were meant to be, according to our zodiac signs, but it was always tumultuous. He thought I had great taste in music and made me feel butterflies whenever he would send me songs to listen to. 

Though we never officially got together, the feelings were always strong. He made me laugh, made me feel special, and yet we never liked each other at the same time. Teetering between friends and lovers was hard, but music was essential to us and really solidified my change in music after being exposed to more indie and alternative bands like Palace. The lyrics in these songs always gave off a sentiment of nostalgia and wishfulness — like how we felt. I always felt that something was missing in this, which is why we could never find the right time to admit our feelings for one another. Oh well. 

THOMAS

The only man who ghosted me! This was the very definition of a summer fling. We never talked in high school, but met years later and hit it off. He was quiet, I was loud. He was short, I was tall. It was never going to work out! Besides that, he was very moody and cold. Back then, I listened to a lot of Beach Fossils and Joy Division.

Just like our “thing,” this playlist will be short and reflects the moodiness and shortness of having a summer romance. 

DAMIEN

Another fling! This was before moving 400 miles away to the Bay Area to attend my dream school. We met at a bar (ah, good ‘ol pre-COVID days) and I was celebrating graduating from my community college, so yes, I was absolutely drunk. I apparently went up to him, called him cute and asked him for his number. One of the first red flags was him constantly texting me the day after asking if I remembered him… Yes I did but I was also recovering and woke up around 3pm. We talked for a while until I realized it was ultimately doomed to be a fling and I was simply not interested. 

He sent me a lot of music that made me feel like it might be special. A lot of Kings of Leon and Yeah Yeah Yeahs…music I was listening to in middle school. There was an incredible aura of immaturity that I would have loved if I was still in eighth grade, but I was not willing to put up with it in the 21th century. Looking back, the constant random Facetimes, drunk phone calls, and asking where I was even though I had already moved away were too much! He’s now blocked. 

JACK

The best for last…my current relationship. Falling in love was one of the scariest things I’ve had to go through, which is saying a lot considering that  I’ve almost been kidnapped twice! Falling in love derails plans and makes you feel vulnerable, yet somehow it’s 100% worth it. Being in love made me remember the music that has made me happiest throughout the years, which was a lot of The Strokes and Arctic Monkeys. BANKS was also essential with her crooning voice and sentimental lyrics about being lovesick. Together, we’ve raved about the classic beginning sounds of bands like Kings of Leon and Incubus, bands my older brother would play for me when I was in 6th grade as we drove to my first concerts together. 

Somehow this relationship has taken me back to my roots of appreciating the small things in life, including the music that raised me. We listen to a lot of romantic Spanish songs from artists like Los Angeles Azules, especially when we’re cooking dinner. Circling back to the classics and the staples of my music appreciation also has made me realize what a good relationship can feel like. Some parts are not unlike a rollercoaster, but mostly it feels like a home away from home and a safe space. Ah, love.

Written by Stephanie Enciso