Lexapro for the Ears

Whether your seasonal depression is kicking in when the sun goes down at 4:50 pm or the impending doom of our political system has you upset, or maybe it’s the residual sadness from isolation in a never-ending pandemic; this generation has a lot they could feel depressed about. Personally, all of the above applies, but is worsened by  my constant school assignments. This was the undercurrent for a particularly hard day, when I turned too quickly coming out of the shower and fell backwards. The sound of my head hitting the tile floor reverberated in my ears, and a cacophony of thoughts came to fruition in the fertile soil of my headache. Firstly, it really made me wonder if God was real, because if they are, they just shoved me, making an already bad day worse. Then, I thought of my old roommate Chelsea and if the world was different we would be living together in Berkeley, she would’ve heard me fall in our small slum apartment, and then, with her public health knowledge, she’d deem my head injury so minor that her famous grilled cheese would cure me. Exhausted at the thought of a kinder reality I closed my eyes. Before the black of my eyelids, a cast of characters from my hometown (where I currently reside) filled the screen of my imagination. In this scene, I see their faces in a distorted house of mirrors. At the end of the corridor, I saw my likeness both among the mirrored images while also regressing into an older version of myself. This self-reflexive reminder is at the end of every Zoom call, when the screen fades to black, all you’re left with is a virtual reflection looking back at you in an empty room. At that point, I began to cry. 

The tears trickle down the slight slope of my cheekbones spilling into the canals of the tile floor. I proceed to imagine my tears overflowing from my sockets onto either side of my bathroom until the room fills to the brim. Then, from the highest peak, the water splashes against my walls to cascade into my shell of a body. Starting from the tips of my toes, the water delves upwards scooping my innards out like a cantaloupe, until all I am is an outline of saltwater with cerebral connectors controlling my performative facade of a self. The cinematic representation of my sadness was rightfully dramatic, but reality seeped in. A slight chill and choking on my tears from laying down crying made me reach out to my phone and ask: “Hey Siri, how do you cure depression?” 

She responded with a slew of external links to medication and the number to a suicide prevention hotline. This prompted a Google search where I clicked on “7 ways to improve your mood in less than 5 minutes.” The first instruction was: listen to upbeat music. After collecting three of my favorite uplifting songs I turned to an Instagram questionnaire asking my followers to submit music that makes them REALLY happy. Then I compiled these onto a Spotify playlist: 

Lexapro for the Ears 

In this playlist, I organized the types of songs I received into ten rough groupings: 

1. Disco/Dancing: The 70s have made a resurgence in fashion and music. The only fever people want is a Saturday Night Fever (John Badham, 1977)…excuse my COVID joke and proceed to the timeless musical bops: “You Should Be Dancing” and “Get Down Tonight” From the 70s-80s. Whitney Houston brings round a song that marked a generation with “I Wanna Dance with Somebody.”
2. Oldies-esque: This collection envelopes listeners in a cocoon of catalytic expression of desire and loss all at once. A few are “For Once In My Life,” “Rock Your Baby,” “If This World Were Mine” and “I Like It.”
3. Upbeat Singalongs: These contributions are good soundtracks to have in the background while acting out the movie of our lives. Imaginative inducing effects may occur while consuming. “Lovin’ In My Baby’s Eyes,” “Brand New Key,” and “Nude Beach a-Go-Go.” 
4. Groovin’: Sit back, relax, and ungulate your spine to these good vibes that are continually restorative. There are many good ones in this subsection it was the largest group here is the limit edition: “Fantasy,” “Back Pocket,” “The Spins,” “Trader Joe,” “Memory Box,” “Vivrant Thing,” “Nice For What” “It’s Alright, I Feel It,” and “Are You Feeling Sad”
5. Post Punkish into Classic Rock: If this were real life we could alleviate our sadness by going out to a crowded concert and moshing until you can’t feel the separation of bodies from one another. In this fire hazard house show, the air is so hot in your mouth that it’s almost hard to breathe and the people are simultaneously violent and kind. That is the community these songs will take you to: “Are You Gonna Be My Girl,” “A-Punk”  “Smoko.” The classic rock section of this group is playing in the car while your middle-aged dad drops you off at the Glendale Galleria: “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” “Sweet Emotion” and “Sound and Vision.”
6. Folk: For the soft souls out there, here is something to warm your aching heart: “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright,” “Wasn’t Born To Follow,” “Heart of Gold,” and “The Cross.”
7. Duplicates: Twice the serotonin available! These three songs were recommended more than once! “Mr. Blue Sky,”  “Home,” and “This Must Be the Place.”
8. Latinx: It is a fact that songs in Spanish are superior to all others (just kidding… partially). My factoid might be due to my ethnic background, but these songs are guaranteed to make one feel so sexy that they’ll involuntarily move their hips (hopefully in rhythm) to the bass-heavy works such as: “Con Calma,” “La Vida Es Un Carnaval” “Baila Esta Cumbia,” “Cumbia Sobre El Rio” and finally the musical genius of La Lupe with “Menealo.” 
9. Sex Positive: These surprising submissions came from the shyest people I know. It seems being a boss bitch knows no bounds. Obviously the summer banger “WAP,” a classic with “Lemon,” and the at times infamous “Deepthroat.” 
10. Soft Instrumental into Avant-Garde/Electronic: Turn your speakers to the highest volume and lay alongside them, then let the sound wash over you. “Riot,” “Nana,” “Kill Your Co-Workers,” “money machine,” “GODD” “Overtime.” You can feel this music rattling around in your sternum. 

Once I listened to this playlist, my depression was cured! Siri was right; all I needed was a less than five-minute upbeat music intake. Unfortunately, I’m joking, but I wish I weren’t. But, the musical suggestions do help during this primarily virtual time. Just having a collection of people I know from different sectors of my life contribute to the Instagram questionnaire created a sense of sub-community, however subliminal it may be. In my GenSex class (a student-led course that anyone can take – Cal student or not, I highly recommend it and it will make you a better person) we discuss how to show up for ourselves as well as others during this hectic time. What I have come up with from class and consuming music is to be less hard on yourself. We can all lean into the sadness…let’s just not let it consume us.

Written by Paloma Macias