First thing you need to know — we are not ravers. As much as we like to think of ourselves with “diverse music tastes,” it seems to generally hover around the “My mom used to play me Led Zeppelin as a baby because she wanted me to have good music taste” realm of genres. So, when the idea of a rave came up, it seemed more like a joke than anything else, considering our pitifully pretentious, listening-to-bedroom-pop-while-crying-in-our-cars personas.
However, even though Leka intended it as a joke, I, Vivian, was so down. Down enough for us to find a rave and graciously ask our wonderful PR team to try and get us press passes. The thing is, we didn’t realize the artist that we requested, Excision, was a big name in the Dubstep world, and the tickets were sold out months before. After that, we thought we wouldn’t be able to get the press passes, but low and behold, PR queen Danielle Kalcic blessed us with this email the night before.
What follows is a detailed description of our emotional, mental, and spiritual states before, during, and after the experience that was Excision (and friends).
STAGE 1: PREP
Leka: I don’t know how many times we can really drive home the point that we are not ravers. My entire knowledge of the rave subculture prior to this was based almost completely on a single episode of Dawson’s Creek, in which I also learned a lot about deferring college admissions and how easy it was to move to Italy (not the point right now). So I wasn’t quite sure what we were getting ourselves into. Since we only had about 24 hours to prepare, I felt it best to contact an expert, a.k.a. the only person I know who has done this before. Her response was succinct, but not necessarily the most friendly.
I was afraid, to say the least, which wasn’t helped by the countless number of online sites telling us to prepare for this one-night concert as if we were going off the grid for three weeks straight.
If we had more time, believe me, I would have gone all the way out: kandi bracelets, light up sneakers, glitter from head to toe. I was fully prepared to look like Katy Perry in the “California Gurls” music video. But time supersedes all, and eventually I decided if I was gonna feel out of place I might as well look the part too. In my American Apparel® jeans and thrifted flannel, I looked like I was headed to a Mac Demarco concert, not a rave described as “a virtual apocalypse of twisting and morphing sounds.” Not that I was angry about it — I mean, this is how I dress every waking day of my life. If anything, I was following the PLUR guidelines of “[allowing] yourself to be who you are without expectations,” like I was already a real raver.
Viv: I had two essays due at 11:59PM on April 12th, the night of the show. True to form, I had not even started one of them when Danielle emailed us Thursday night, April 11th, saying that we were confirmed with press passes for Excision. What followed was a speed-writing extravaganza that ended at 2AM, and then continued the next day as soon as I got home from my class at 12PM all the way up until 6PM where Leka and I were supposed to meet at the BART.
The morning of the show didn’t start off promising, with Leka and I both getting frankly haunting Co-star notifications:
In between writing about the sexualization of mothers in Asian American literature and the importance of Uncle Jesse’s chastity to the structure of Full House, I was texting Leka and we both decided that it was important to do a little research beforehand and get prepared.
For some reason, every website we looked at told us to bring enough snacks and water for about three days, with one even telling us to bring extra socks? There was also a strange emphasis on projectile vomiting, avoiding pickpocketing, and ominous warnings with no context.
STAGE 2: PRE-SHOW
Leka: Here’s the thing — since we weren’t really well-versed in the logistics and etiquette of rave culture (besides just barely skimming the surface of what it has to offer through some disconcerting WikiHow pages), we weren’t sure what time we were supposed to get there. The venue said doors were at 7, but also that the show started at 7? Did they just open the doors as a crowd of fans rushed inside in that very moment? This all seemed very Hunger Games-esque, and, more than anything, I was confused.
On the BART ride over to San Francisco, Viv was showing me all the snacks she had brought for the night, along with a very full Hydroflask, as almost every site recommended not to stay hydrated (a smart piece of advice). I had only carried with me my essentials — house keys, credit card, ID. I was also told that raves apparently are a hotbed for pickpocketing, and to make sure I was holding my stuff in my hand the whole night, which was a weird suggestion and definitely something I did not do. Still, according to most websites and information we had managed to scrounge up prior to the show, I was heavily unprepared, which, I don’t know, you can chalk up to my chaotic Aries energy if you want.
Nevertheless, we show up to Bill Graham, along with what seemed like the rest of San Francisco, and waited for our tickets at will call before joining the rest of the crowd in the line. Everyone seemed to have spent so much time on their outfits and looks, like, everything from light-up fur coats to very intricately wrapped bodysuits amongst tons of detailed makeup. I felt incredibly underdressed, like when you show up for your friend’s birthday dinner thinking the dress code is “comfort casual” and everyone around you is wearing cocktail dresses and full suits. I spotted a boy in the crowd wearing the exact same outfit as me and felt a little at ease — at least we weren’t the only people there looking like they were going to a book festival and not about to be dragged to the depths of hell.
Viv: To alleviate the confusion about the structure of a rave, we decided to look up the event on the ride over and actually read the description.
We were terrified.
It also didn’t help that when we got to the venue, the line was already across the street, and there were tons of people in full-blown rave gear shouting “WE WANT PUSS-AYY!!” disguised as a rallying chant of some sort. On the other hand, we did bump into a sweet boy who seemed to have left his shoes at home and confided in us his worry that someone would step on his Crocs. (This took us both by surprise given that nobody initiates a conversation at UC Berkeley unless they want to steal your laptop or follow you home.)
Upon first impressions, the venue was very careful checking IDs, which I was grateful for since the crowd seemed to look like they were ages ranging from sixteen to thirty. They also had a lineup of metal detectors and security personnel doing bag checks and pat downs. The last time I encountered security this thorough was before my flight back home.
One thing I didn’t expect at all, that none of the websites said anything about, was that you aren’t allowed to bring metal water bottles inside the venue. I’m not sure if they thought I intended to bludgeon someone, but after the show, and seeing how horrifyingly hyped everyone was, I acknowledge those precautions were needed. What was not needed was the suggestion that I throw away my twenty dollar Hydroflask, so I hid it behind a door and prayed it would still be there waiting for me like a long lost lover when I came back five hours later.
STAGE 3: SHOW!
Viv: Like good students, we followed what our Google search told us and made a beeline to the restroom before the show. While we were waiting, a girl screamed “FUCK” at everyone in line and kicked a trash can, making both of us jump like absolute weenies. When I came out of the stalls, seeing Leka’s flannel among the mélange of glitter, fishnets, and lingerie was almost comical, yet reassuring. I clutched my Berkeley sweatshirt like a security blanket and we headed for the door.
Leka: I had only been to Bill Graham once before, for a show that in no way resembled anything even close to what we were about to experience. Every single person there was dressed head to toe in the most, um, eye-catching wear I had ever seen. It felt like I had somehow entered an LMFAO music video from 2011. I made Viv take a photo of me by an Outside Lands poster, the first moment of the night I had felt somewhat not out of place.
When we finally came back upstairs, we took a few deep breaths before heading inside the actual area where the show was, and I was…slightly underwhelmed? Not to say it wasn’t a lot already — the DJ (Subdocta) had already been spinning since doors opened, and there was a good group of people up by the stage already dancing. I don’t know, I think I just expected a sudden onslaught of energy the moment I walked in (which, to be fair, I definitely received — be careful what you wish for!). On the right hand side was a small bar area, where, in addition to drinks, they actually were selling snacks! I was honestly stunned; besides a couple concerts at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley, (and that one Mitski show in Brooklyn where there was for some reason an arancini pop-up in the venue), I couldn’t think of any show I had been to that sold food, even if this was mainly just peanut M&Ms and Hershey bars. Besides, Viv had brought enough food to feed a small elementary school, even if they did ban her Hydroflask from entering the facilities.
But before I knew it that bass HIT me all the way in my bones, and in that moment I knew we had gotten ourselves into something life-changing. Thank god I had remembered to bring earplugs with me, because I’m not sure what would have happened if we spent the entire night listening to the music absolutely raw. My ears thank me now.
Viv: Nobody told us we weren’t supposed to go at the beginning of the rave, so it was still fairly empty on the floor which felt kind of awkward, but we were awkward so it made us feel like we belonged. As a rave newbie, I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stimulation, visually, sonically, and physically. There were huge floor to ceiling LED screens with vibrant animations for each act, and the bass was so powerful I could literally feel my skin vibrating. There was also an insane amount of weed smoke, more than I’ve ever breathed in one place. This was shocking considering how I open my window every morning in Berkeley to breathe in fresh air and end up choking on clouds of weed smoke instead. We were also 100% dead sober, and if I was even the slightest bit inebriated, I probably would’ve passed out during the first half hour.
Another aspect about the rave was how there were no breaks. Right after Subdocta finished his set, Leka and I rested our hands on our hips for a deep breath, but the hype and the bass continued as Wooli and Sullivan King ran on stage. King hopped on top of the DJ deck, fully dressed in all-black accessorized with a leather jacket, and started thrashing his back-length hair causing a whole wave of head-banging and shifting of the crowd into a mosh pit situation. I immediately pulled Leka to the side once I got a whiff of the mosh, because our fragile bodies would’ve definitely snapped upon impact. The images on the LED screens turned into a slew of upside-down crosses, woolly mammoths, cave paintings, and barbed wire, which could be an interesting take on primitivism, although leaning more towards Matisse’s style than Gauguin. Behind these images was an onslaught of aggressive, percussive beats while King screamed into the microphone repeatedly, “MIDDLE FINGERS UP TO THE SKY” and the audience flung their bodies around in every direction while gleefully flipping everyone off.
Even though the music, lyrics, and imagery was quite angry (and a teeny bit frightening), everyone in the audience was surprisingly very sweet. There seemed to be a culture that Leka and I weren’t aware of, where people would tap each other on the shoulders to watch each other do these finger dances with LED lights (Leka later told me it was called “gloving”) and embrace, thanking each other for the experience. People traded bracelets while holding hands, and hugged each other as a thank you before they dissipated back into the crowd. Having been in a lot of crowds where the audience gave each other passive aggressive glares while holding their craft beers in one hand, this was a welcome and heartwarming thing to witness. A stranger even gave us kaleidoscope glasses for free which Leka and I traded off wearing during the show, fully enjoying the rainbow refractions of light.
Leka: Just a side note — I hate gloving. I’ve had a weird hostility against it since high school, and I’ve definitely tweeted about it a couple times. But I felt such a strong sense of warmth to see the people in the crowd doing little light shows for each other. I think this night alone fully excuses the years of hatred I had for such a strange, strange hobby.
Viv: During Downlink’s set, Leka and I were shouting to each other how unique it was that the performers at the rave were much more invested in ensuring that their audience had a great time, rather than having the “you guys paid to come see me” mentality. At the end of every act, the performers asked everyone to crowd together to get a “family pic” (a big selfie taken with the crowd), which was actually adorable and wonderfully wholesome.
Subtronics’ set was unfortunately riddled by a ton of technical malfunctions a la 2017 Radiohead’s Coachella performance, except in this case, the malfunctions never got fixed. Despite the music cutting out ironically right before every drop, Subtronics kept the energy up and the audience happy, showing genuine remorse for the problem even though it wasn’t his fault. He even gave encouragement to the audience while acknowledging the situation: “This seems to be a stop-and-go situation, but that doesn’t mean we can’t delete our fucking spines to this music tonight!” At one point they even said, “We’re sorry about this, we love you so fucking much.” It was evident from the audience’s patience that their fans loved them back too. Even though Subtronics’ set was the one we heard the least, their style was my personal favorite, being more melodic than the others, yet keeping with the same high energy.
Black Tiger Sex Machine followed Subtronics, coming out in helmets with cat ears on them. The trio danced around the stage, trying to maintain the level of hype that pervaded the evening, but at this point my body was failing and my back was tapping out. Leka and I were doing pathetic imitations of fist pumping while supporting our backs with our hands and slumping over during every drop while everyone else continued raging. We looked so weary that multiple girls tapped us on the shoulder and asked if we were okay, offering to get us some water if we needed — again, very kind. If I was sitting in a pool of my own vomit at a Tame Impala concert I doubt anyone would have cared. At my most desperate point, I turned to Leka and asked if she wanted to sit down, and we both agreed that we were too close to the headliner, Excision, that if we sat down now we might not be able to get back up again.
Finally, three and a half hours in, Excision started his set.
“ALL MY FUCKING HEADBANGERS BREAK YOUR FUCKING NECK BITCH!”
Leka: My favorite part about all the sets was that everyone in the crowd was having so much fun. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a show where not only everyone in the audience wanted to be there, but they were actively having the time of their lives. I remember going to a Japanese Breakfast concert back in September (which was amazing, obviously), but it felt like half the people in the crowd were just there so they could prove to people they had a good music taste: the energy then was stilted and pretentious. But not at Excision. It honestly felt like a giant family, even to Vivian and I who had walked in just hours before. Someone should really take it upon themselves to create some sort of PLUR ideology for indie-rock.
Excision was the headliner of the show, and he made that very clear. The brief (and only) break we got during the entire five hours was the five minutes the crew came on to elevate the DJ booth for the Canadian DJ. I had removed my earplugs out for a minute to readjust, and before I knew it that drop HIT me and my tender eardrums. The entire stage (and I mean entire, no negative space was spared) and sides of it were filled with massive LED screens, showing the most intense (and slightly strange) backdrops. As Excision blessed the crowd with his dubstep anthems, behind him scenes of what seemed like the Temple Run universe added to the whole experience. I was slightly confused but mostly amused. His visuals of the night also included things like a vaporwave TRON-esque car sequence, pastel skies with small palm tree-filled islands in the ocean, and, for some reason, a giant gorilla trying to escape a prison facility.
I can’t lie — the show was incredibly well-produced, and it was obvious a lot of thought had gone into how the music, visuals, and lights all came together to make for an amazing show. It’s like Viv said before, every artist was there to make sure the audience was having a good time. And Excision definitely did that. His sound was much heavier, and much more intense than some of the other sets. It felt like electronic meets metal meets hardcore. It’s a lot of drum and bass, morphed with more robotic, mechanical noises, turned up to 11 — and the crowd was too.
When Excision came on stage I felt such a shift in energy the crowd. Up until this point already it felt as if everyone was giving their all (and me and Viv definitely lost our all somewhere back around hour 2). But when Excision came on it felt like a whole new wave of energy was revitalized in the crowd. People were screaming, moshing, headbanging, all to the the sounds Excision was playing in his about an hour set. The energy around us permeated me a bit, and honestly is what allowed me to make it through the rest of the night. Being around so many people that not only want to be there, but want you to be there is such a surreal feeling that I don’t think I’ll ever experience again. Excision was what brought all these people together, but they’re the reason they stay together. The whole rave community welcomes rookies and veterans alike, and people seem to make lifelong friends at these events, running into them at each new show they attend.
It’s interesting — as I was researching for this piece, I found it strangely kind of difficult to find a lot of press on Excision from publications that weren’t EDM focused. This is a man who, not only sold out three nights of shows at Bill Graham, but has over a million monthly listeners on Spotify, two music festivals he’s created, and his own label; and yet it seems the majority of information I got about him came from Reddit pages and fan boards. I guess it’s true that the rave community is so tight-knit, something that we personally can attest to. Prior to this show, we knew nothing. But in just one night we were welcomed with open arms to a group of people that were just there to have a good time. That would have never happened with the shows we normally go to. I’ve been to six Mitski concerts and still get weird looks from people at her shows for not being a “real” enough fan.
As Excision completed his set, the entire auditorium broke out into the loudest and most emphatic cheer. I felt that in my soul more than any of the bass drops the whole night. As he stepped off stage, Vivian and I were faced yet again with our incredible lack of knowledge of how this all works. Do we leave? Do we stay for an encore? Do they even do encores? Luckily enough our questioning lasted only about a minute, before Excision reentered the stage for his final “song” (not sure if they’re really separated as songs, since the music just all flows together). After a final few minutes of incredible music, Excision left the crowd with a sense of rebirth almost. The lights turned back on, and suddenly we were back in reality.
STAGE 4: POST-SHOW
Leka: We exited the venue along with the other hundreds of people, taking in everything that just happened. My ears were ringing (but not as much as they would be without those earplugs, tinnitus loses again), and my legs felt like jelly. We stepped out into the cold San Francisco air, and our luck seemed to continue: Vivian’s Hydroflask was right where she left it!
As we walked outside, and as I kept switching between my Lyft and Uber apps waiting for someone to come pick us up, I could tell our complete exhaustion was something only the two of us felt. Everyone else seemed weirdly… energized? A couple boys were even yelling something about, “who’s gonna be here again TOMORROW?!” I guarantee you it wouldn’t be us. It was 12:15 am and the only thing on my mind was a bubble bath and a grilled cheese. I chugged a gallon of water once I got home.
Viv: I felt like an old man. I hobbled to our Uber.
STAGE 5: AFTER EFFECTS
Viv: I woke up the next morning at 8AM, but stayed in bed until 12PM just staring at my ceiling, willing my muscles to move. I wore my kaleidoscope glasses for the rest of the day. It was also Cal Day.
Leka: The day after the rave was Cal Day, and the day after that was my birthday, so overall I guess you could say my entire weekend was A Lot. I ended up losing my voice because of the rave, and then it turns out I actually got sick from someone there, so I am fighting a cold as I write this. I got an email from Groupon the next day asking if my back hurt. It did. I also had a weird conversation with Lil B, but I guess that’s meant for a different article.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Overall, Leka and I thought the whole event was surprisingly wholesome and actually had a lot of fun. We got to experience a crowd acting genuinely like a family, and an artist who only cared about giving their fans a good time. As for our future rave prospects… Personally, I don’t think my body can take it. My peak was nineteen and I stand by that.
And in Leka’s words, “I am not cut out for raves, but I respect the people that are.”
Article and Photos by Vivian Chen and Leka Gopal